The Wretched Wedding
by lilyroxmysox03
Summary: As Chuck and Blair's wedding approaches,you'd think everything would be calm.But some problems that arise are Chuck's pregnancy scare,Jenny's drunken monologues,and a bank account that the IRS wouldn't want to know about...What's a girl to do? SEQUEL.
1. By the Way

_By the Way_

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_STOP READING if you didn't read Abhorrence first. Other than that, enjoy!_

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Serena sighed in contentment, despite having Eve spill orange juice down her white blouse and tripping over Terry's sprawling feet during breakfast. Kissing Dan goodbye, whom would go to a book signing at Noble and Barnes later on, she stepped out of the brownstone the Humphreys owned in Park Slope, Brooklyn and took the subway to Midtown Manhattan. Grabbing a pretzel along the way, she traipsed up and down until she could wait no more. Glancing down at her watch, it read 9:37am. Serena knew Blair woke up late on Sundays since Chuck was home on those days. And well, they needed their sleep…hehum.

Walking along Park Ave., she stopped at the Pierre Hotel, and went up by elevator. Blair had moved out of her own suite in building 108 to live with Chuck the time they started dating. Blair and Chuck's room was completely modern-all with Chuck's doing-and everything was mauve, champagne, white or steel colored.

Serena stomped extra hard in her mini-wedge leather boots in black vachetta to make her presence known, so as to give the two lovebirds a warning to put some clothes on. "Blair?...Chuck? Are you guys home?" She wondered aloud to the air. Wrenching open the steel fridge door, she peered inside. Everything was healthy and organic-all with Blair's doing-and not a leftover in sight. Whereas Serena's fridge, it was filled with Tupperware and plastic wraps of mac and cheese, last night's grilled Alaskan salmon sushi rolls, and rhubarb pie. Closing it, but not before taking out a pitcher of orange juice, she clumped her way towards their room. Slowing edging the door, making sure it creaked, and faked an accident so she could yell out loud, she sighed a breath of relief when she saw Blair, alone in the bed.

Serena smiled at Blair's mussed hair, and jumped onto the bed, waking Blair. "Wakey, wakey, Blair! Ah, le jour glorieux est juste pour toi, mes chers!" Blair lazily rolled over, and gazed up at her friend. The white room and the window behind Serena gave her a hazy glow, and her blonde hair seemed to be gleaming. "Wait," Blair brushed her hair out of the way. "Who are you again?" Blair said, her voice coming out slightly cracked. Her arms came out of the covers and Serena's eyes slowly widened in horror and acknowledgement. Then she jumped out of the bed like she was in scalding water.

"Oh my God, Blair! This is so disgusting!" Serena quickly took off her new Madison Marcus ruffled leather jacket and threw it on the ground. "You could've told me that you didn't change the sheets!" Serena howled. "Now I'm all covered in…_gasp_. Ew. Don't even want to think about it." She walked out of the bedroom, one hand in her hair.

Blair smiled despite herself. "What?" She retorted. "It's not like you and Brooklyn Boy don't do it. Look where it got you. Married and with two children. Doesn't it suck?" Blair yelled at the top of her lungs. Blair loved to goad her best friend. A navy blue baby doll dress came flying towards her, and she caught it gracefully. Then came the Wolford satin tights, and a silver colored headband. Serena knew her well.

Blair dressed quickly, and went to the kitchen to greet her friend. She was sipping a glass of orange juice, and she had changed her shirt for one of Blair's. Blair was more petite, whereas Serena was tall and lanky. The midanao print tee was so small that you could see Serena's hips a little. Serena caught Blair wrinkle her nose at her fashion choice. "I had to improvise." Serena huffed, and patted the stool next to her. "We don't have to discuss what happened to you last night." Serena raised her eyebrows, and Blair responded by sarcastically barring her teeth.

"Fine. What happened to _you_ last night?" Blair asked, not caring for the answer. She peeked at her engagement ring, and wondered when Serena would bring it up.

"…and then the salsa sauce splattered all over the wall, and James Bond was still kissing that Asian girl underwater, I don't remember that movie's name, and Eve was crying, and that was how the night ended." Serena ended the summary with a simple nod.

Blair smiled, and placed her left hand on the countertop, and Serena smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry. So tell me again of how he proposed." And Serena prepared herself for a painfully long play by play of what happened at the Winter soiree. Looking out at the bleak January scene, Serena wondered if Blair would agree to a soggy, early spring type wedding. Blair always pictured it to be in France, on Bastille Day, and they would kiss when the fireworks and parade started.

"Blair?" Serena blurted out.

Blair squinted her eyes in suspicion. "S.? Were you even listening to me?" Blair's voice seemed to be getting higher and higher. "Because there was something really important. About Kati and Cadmus, remember?" Blair ended up whining, which shouldn't have been happening considering Serena was supposed to apologize.

"Blair, are you happy?" Serena asked. It wasn't a giddy question, like, 'So, what date will it be on?' or 'can I help pick out a cake?'. It was a serious one, and Blair didn't feel like being serious. Blair frowned, and looked over Serena's shoulder, her stance stiff. "What kind of question is that, even? _I'm_ the one that's supposed to have cold feet, not you."

Serena sighed, and tried unsuccessfully to pull down her shirt. "Sorry. Had to ask. You certainly didn't click the first time you guys saw each other. Even though this is a match in heaven, it's still…I don't know, Blair. Being married is a serious thing, and…well. What if Chuck runs away again?" Serena's voice got quieter and quieter with each word.

Blair's brown orbs swiveled to look into Serena's green ones. "Well, he won't. I trust him." They turned around to greet whoever opened the door.

"I bought the whipped cream." Chuck's joked, his voice traveling into the kitchen. He came into view with two brown paper bags in his hands. He stopped briefly to soak in the fact that Serena was there. "Hey." He finally said as he pulled out vegetables. He noticed Blair's somber expression, and pulled out a can of Cool Whip. "I wasn't joking." He flashed a smile, and while Blair rolled her eyes, back to normal, Serena was still unsmiling, and slid of the stool.

"Excuse me," Serena attempted to cheer Blair up, "but your fiancée and I need to go shopping for bridesmaid dresses." Serena looped her arm through Blair's, and left Chuck checking the kitchen inventory.

They went to the front door, and Blair pulled at a sliding mirror to reveal a mini closet full of shoes. Serena rolled her eyes while Blair picked out a pair of black suede wedge booties and threw on a grey trench coat. "By the way," Blair said dismissively as they walked towards the elevator. "You're my maid of honor."

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A/N~ So, I hope you liked it! Please review, because I'm really lonely and need an illusion that _someone_ out there likes me. :D

site for fashion is bergdorfgoodmandotcom.

Serena's...  
boots: search mini-wedge boots  
jacket: search ruffled jacket  
top: search emilio tee  
Blair's...  
dress: search babydoll dress  
boots: search wedge bootie


	2. Abstinence Act

_Abstinence Act_

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Serena got the impression that today; New York was especially busy and big, with people walking faster than usual, talking louder. The snow was already a big pile of mush, lying pathetically every few feet. They walked past the smelly horses, the Plaza Hotel, and onto 5th Ave. "So," Serena began, making sure not to step too enthusiastically. She didn't want slush on her True Religion Becky jeans. "When's the date going to be?" She swung her leaf green water snake satchel in nervousness. She wasn't sure if Blair was still mad.

"Well, Martha Stewart's wedding guide said that if _any_ wedding worth going to had to be in preparation for at least half a year." At that, Serena rolled her eyes internally, not wishing to hurt her friend's feelings. Serena's wedding was threw together in two months, rented a space in Brooklyn Park, and had the reception at Ici's, with biodynamic wine. "But, I don't want to hire a wedding planner. Everything I do is perfect anyway, so might as well spend the money on a new set of diamond earrings." Blair sighed. "I was thinking an Oscar de la Renta wedding gown. Ugh, wearing my mother's wedding dress just feels…wrong. It's like I'll be cursed with the same ending. Divorced a gay man, and then remarried to Danny DeVito's doppelgänger." Blair scoffed.

"Ok, then traditional, modern?" Serena asked. She remembered her wedding. Only a guest list of seventy, although the press and cameramen made it seem like more. Her halter dress was an off white color, made by Jenny. It was backless, with elbow length gloves and a lovely big bouquet in her hands. She knew Blair's answer before she spoke.

"I want a long white train trailing behind me and a veil. Big, poufy skirt. It will be sleeveless, and will be held at the biggest ballroom downstairs," Which probably meant where Chuck and Blair lived, the Pierre Hotel. "It's going to be the best night of my life!" Blair rambled on, and Serena smiled, happy that Blair didn't pay attention to Serena. Was Chuck really ready, or pressured? After all, Blair could be forceful if she wanted to be. "…so we'll need the florist, a calligraphist, a baker, orchestra, wedding favors, oh, S., it's going to be so fun!" Blair squealed, disturbing a fellow passenger by.

Serena perfected her act with a squeal of her own. "I know, B. Well, there has to be a colored theme for the reception. I'm thinking green, very springlike…"

Two hours later and a paper full of ideas, they decided that the budget simply did not matter, and the color scheme should be green. They had discovered a wonderful bridesmaid dress at Vera Wang's wedding boutique, an apple green, v-neck cocktail dress that had a grosgrain ribbon tie at the waist, and a ruffled hem. Blair decided to have four bridesmaids, two of them from high school, and two of them from college.

"Thanks, S., for being supportive." Blair sighed, resting her mane of brown hair on Serena's shoulder. "I would've been overwhelmed by planning a wedding all by myself. Not like I couldn't do it, though." Blair raised her head, steel strong and confident again.

Serena smiled exasperatedly. "You're welcome, your highness." Serena threw an arm up in the air, and two taxis stopped in front of her-figures, she's generally lucky. "Thanks. Pierre Hotel, please." They drove into the sunset-well, not really, they were stuck in traffic for a while-but it sounds easier and romantic that way, just like the girls' lives were. Just as long Eve doesn't go into a tantrum and throws salsa sauce everywhere.

Blair hugged Serena tightly before letting go. "Will you come for me tomorrow?" She said, trying to restrain the whining. "I know, being near a bride to be can be very…tiresome. But, I hold it against you that I was there for you when you were rambling on about Maine lobster and mascarpone tiramisu." Blair reasoned.

Serena ruffled her hair, pretending to think. "Um…sorry. I have to intend Eve's dress rehearsal. I told you, she's playing Alice in the class play."

Blair nodded, and waved goodbye. Turning the key to her-their suite-, she was greeted with a glass of veuve cliquot. "You're back. I made lamb."Chuck whispered hoarsely towards her. Blair raised her eyebrows skeptically. "You, cooking? I can barely bake cookie dough. When did you learn to bake?" Blair inquired, taking the glass from him.

Chuck smirked. "Sexist. Oh, you know, a bit from my mother-she was Italian, did I tell you that? And…various nannies along the way…"Chuck's voice trailed off mysteriously as he leaned in for a kiss. Blair shoved the glass his way, and took off her trench coat. "Uhuh. Ok, lover boy, let's make a deal." Chuck leered, but was unsurprised. Everything was a deal with them. "I intend to restrain from…that until my wedding night. It's more romantic, don't you think?" Blair hung it up, and slid close the sliding mirror.

Chuck looked incredulous. "It's not like you're a virgin, Blair. What's the point?"

Blair rolled her eyes. Men. "The point _is_, is that if we waited so long to get married, why can't we do the same thing with…you know?"

Chuck sighed gruffly, but wasn't about to lose. "Fine. But…" he looked seductively at her, and handed the cup of wine to her.

"But what, Chuck?" Blair started, already hungry and slightly annoyed.

"What if…what if you want to…you know." Chuck finished, gesturing towards the couch, whether to indicate the word sex, or offering her to sit down. Probably the first choice was more likely. That is the Chuck thing to do.

"Well, I won't. Now, let me tell you about the bridesmaid dresses. They are absolutely gorgeous!" Blair winded on to another play by play of how Serena and her went wedding shopping.

Chuck sat down comfortably, for he was going to be listening-or at least pretending to-for another hour. He was glad Blair was happy. He remembered something that he said to Blair before, at a time where they never thought possible to even be holding hands. 'I'd rather I'll wait.' Well, he knew Blair only struck that deal to make things less girly and more interesting. At least she thought of someone else, like her fiancé, perhaps. And he would think of her too. If holding back was what she wanted-for now-then he would wait along with her. Even if she did eat her cake slowly.

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**N/A~ **_Not my best. Don't blame me. I was stuck. _


	3. Tea Room Ultimatum

_Tea Room Ultimatum_

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"Dan, stop." Serena breathed into his ear. Her back was pressed against a wall leading to the washrooms in The Pierre tea room. He reached in for a kiss.

"Serena, come on. I know you heard the comment your little friend made. 'Oh, no one would miss you, Humphrey.' You know, sometimes I think Blair forgets that you're a Humphrey as well. But," He paused to kiss her collarbone as she laughed quietly. "I won't be too hard on her."

Serena pulled away, smiling coyly. "Yeah, but they'll miss _me_." She whispered playfully.

"Hehum."

The couple swirled around, immediately stepping away from each other in surprise and embarrassment. Chuck Bass was looking at them incredulously, like he couldn't believe Dan even knew how to kiss. "Aren't you guys supposed to be back there?" He asked, smirking, jutting out his chin towards the tea room Chuck had reserved for the engagement announcement.

"Well," Dan reasoned, his hands back on Serena's waist. "Aren't _you_ supposed to be back there, announcing your engagement to New York's high society?" Serena rolled her eyes at the stupidity of her step brother, and led Dan back to the tea room.

Chuck's face was painful, and he quickly sprinted-or attempted-to the washrooms.

Once Dan and Serena were safely out of Chuck's way, Serena quickly pecked at her husband's lips before abandoning him to find Blair Bass. How strange that sounds on someone's tongue. Blair Bass. Very exotic. "Blair! Hi, can I talk to you for a moment?" Serena urged Blair, pulling at her arm.

"Excuse me," Blair smiled pretentiously. Once they out of earshot, Blair began. "What is it? Mrs. Astor was just asking me about the invites." Blair hissed.

Serena ignored the animosity. "Blair, are you holding back from Chuck?" She asked urgently. "Because if you aren't, then he's seriously perverse. He just got an…you know, when he spotted Dan and I…you know."

Blair's eyes widened. "Really? You and _Humphrey_?" She pondered. Wow, he must be really thoughtful, not to go insane. It was romantic that he would wait, for her sake.

Serena rolled her eyes. "You know, I think sometimes you forget that I'm a Humphrey as well. Anyway, stop avoiding my question. Are you?"

Blair turned up her nose in defiance. "So what if I am?"

Serena's carefully plucked eyebrows arched. "Why? Do you want his rooster popping up whenever he spots a couple kissing? ...Ew, I can't believe I just said that."

Blair looked down almost shamefully. "I don't know, I just feel sorry for him. I mean, you know, everything's so girly, and I thought it would just make him feel better."

In some twisted way, Blair was comforting Chuck, as he always loved playing games, even if it was in a physical sense. Serena backed away a few steps. Maybe they were nymphomaniacs. She didn't know how they didn't have children by now, the way they were going.

"Ok, Blair. I'm just going…to go. Have fun with Mrs. Astor." She waved to someone behind Blair, directing her attention over her shoulder. When Blair turned back, Serena was gone.

Sure, she grossed Serena out, but if would be worth it after the wedding. But she wouldn't go so low as to use the can of Cool Whip.

Maybe.

An hour later of accepting congratulations and answering the same questions over and over again, they finally called it to an end, announcing the three o'clock tea party was over.

Prying herself away from her great aunt Tilly, Blair sighed, and walked across the room to reach her Armani clad fiancé. "Promise me I will never have to go through that again. I don't care if people at my level glare at me, but having whores being mad at me is just insulting." Blair stated.

Chuck took her elbow, and guided her out of the room. "Well, I can't blame them. You just took the most handsome bachelor in NYC." He smiled cockily before having his foot stamped by 4 inch cordonette lace pumps. He doubled over in pain, his foot throbbing. He got to admit, her purple satin shoes were pretty nice. He had to buy a matching bowtie for that.

Blair nibbled on a canapé pumpernickel triangle while Chuck was conversing with an old 'colleague' of his. Chuck barely knew his name until the old turd introduced himself. Blair looked at him with affection. He was so rugged and handsome, with a sophisticated edge. But what Serena had said a few weeks ago bothered her to no end, when she had nothing else to think about. _What does she know?_ Blair shook her head internally in annoyance. _Serena barely gets any romance at home. Maybe she's out of it._ Blair concluded with a self-assured nod.

Chuck noticed, and excused himself. "…Well, I hope to see you there. I have to get back to my fiancée." He sauntered away, and took her elbow. Blair quivered at the mention of him calling her his fiancée. Somehow, it sounded more lewd yet romantic falling from his tongue. Blair smiled genuinely, and stepped closer to him.

"Are you okay?" Blair pouted girlishly, running her Le Vernis indigo polished fingernails through his hair. Surprisingly, it was even softer than Blair's curls, and she envied it with a jealous glint in her eye. "You need to be distracted?" She continued teasing him, her other hand finding its way to his chest, loosening his tie.

Chuck cleared his throat and tried to concentrate on the sickest image ever. Dead puppies. A person with small pox. Dan Humphrey _naked._ None of those mental images did the trick, and his Adam's apple bobbed nervously up and down, his lungs screaming for air. "Blair," He unwillingly closed his eyes to her beautiful face, free of blemishes, and her embossed purple cashmere dress that could be taken off in one swift motion.

Steer away, steer away.

"I'm not about to lose." He emphasized the last word to convince himself he didn't want to give in.

Blair smiled devilishly, and stepped away from him. "Fine." She shot him a flirtatious look, walking slowly backwards towards her table to get her cream colored dolman sleeved sweater. "I believe you. _Fiancé_." She lilted the last word until it could've been 'darling'. With a taunting smile, she headed out the other door, and Chuck lost sight of her.

"Damn."

Chuck quickened his steps to catch up to her and lose when he caught the talisman orange long cardigan which belonged to Serena Humphrey. Sighing, he went back impatiently to unhook it from the back of the chair. He would have to give it to her later. He heard the clacking of high heeled shoes, and backed away a few steps from the chair to get a good view of the wearer. There Blair was, waiting for him, tapping her foot.

She looked so sexy without meaning to-after all, she was wearing a tea dress-and he smiled despite himself.

Fiancée.

What a lovely word.

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**N/A~ **_I particularly like this chapter. Perhaps it's because I love anything that takes place during tea time. _


	4. Brooklyn Impressions

_Brooklyn Impressions_

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Chuck hated Brooklyn.

Artistic my ass.

Who cares if musical prodigies and amazing poets grew up there? It didn't make up for the fact that Lonely Boy and…Vanessa lived there.

As the limo drove past all the parks, bohemians and the brownstones, a lot of people stopped in shock then disgust when they recognized it was from the UES. The passenger was probably another self-righteous philanthropist that turned yet another historical building into a posh, 5 star, expensive-as-hell restaurant, or an adoption agency, catering to 50 year old ladies that organize cancer research fundraising luncheons, that wanted to adopt yet another Malawi baby.

Any more suggestions?

He pulled up to a particular brownstone starring right across from the Contemporary Art and Dance Academy, in the nicer part of Brooklyn. Park Slope was slightly more upscale than the rest of its counterparts, but much more modest than the suites of the UES.

He stepped out, suddenly self-conscious, despite telling himself he really didn't care what people thought of him, whether it was in the UES or in Brooklyn, so as long as Blair loved him. But he glanced down at himself anyway. Were the suspenders too much? He dressed up as Gordon Gecko all the time, what was different today.

Then it hit him.

He was, well, slightly nervous of talking to Serena. Sure, she was still his stepsister, in a way, but the formality of it really changed things. He felt the way he did when he sat both Eleanor and Harold down-oh, and Cyrus-to ask for Blair's hand. Chuck, now standing outside of the brownstone, felt a need to impress his fiancée's best friend.

Shaking the nervousness away, he climbed the steps to ring the doorbell. Before he could, however, the door swung open, and for a moment, Chuck thought an invisible force blew the door open. Then, he looked down. Staring tight back at him was a girl six years of age, he warm brown-green eyes whizzing in their sockets, soaking him in.

He stared awkwardly back. He was never good with children. For a panicked second, he wondered what children meant to Blair. He reassured himself that Blair wasn't fond of children anyhow.

Men. How they can misinterpret us.

"May I come in?" He asked politely but hesitantly. Serena's cardigan suddenly weighed a ton on his arm. She nodded, and stepped back. As he closed the door behind him, she blurted, "I saw you standing outside. You looked funny." She then hiccupped.

He looked around the foyer. The chandelier still clinked together due to the wind that rushed inside when the door was flung open. An artistically photograph tulip was in a white frame, posed on top of a bureau, which also supported keys, field trip forms, and to-do lists. The dark hard-wood floors clashed brilliantly with the cream colored walls, and there was Eve, still staring at him. It occurred to Chuck that Serena didn't even know he was here.

Chuck, however, didn't know how to start a conversation with a child. Chuck should've realized something magical happened when Eve took him by the hand and surprisingly, was very articulate in the tour around the 1st floor of the house.

Chuck oohed and aahed at the right places, and even added some comments of his own. When they landed in the foyer again, Serena bounded down the stairs, looking absolutely frantic.

"Eve! Who did you let in?" She shrieked, almost falling flat on her face when she jumped the last few steps. Even being on the PTA and married to the most boring man alive, Serena managed to keep her teenage innocence about her.

When Serena saw who it was, she calmed down. "Sorry." She explained. "I was in my happy place, turned on some music." She spied the cardigan, and looked at Chuck gratefully. "You want to get a cup of coffee?" She motioned towards the kitchen.

Chuck smiled. Beautiful memories. It was the first time he had had physical contact with Blair in a long time, and he savored it, even though there was splattered cake involved.

Sounds sexier than it actually was.

* * *

**N/A~ **_nothing really, to add on. _


	5. Scotch, Anyone?

Scotch, Anyone?

* * *

"Thanks again for bringing my sweater back." Serena said as she put some peppermint candy and vanilla pastries on a big saucer, accompanied by a soup-bowl sized cup of coffee.

Chuck murmured in appreciation, for the biting January cold was starting to get to him.

He looked around the kitchen. Only the fridge and oven was steel/ The rest was a soothing mahogany that looked for child-friendly. The crème-colored couch was burdened with dog-eared books, Barbie dolls, the bright yellow blanket used to the point of it being a rag. It was a present given from Chuck to Eve. He didn't know she liked it so much.

"So, sis," He asked, gently blowing at his coffee. "What have you been up to lately?"

Something in Serena's eyes bothered him. He had the impression that Serena had something to say. But she plowed on through a summary of what happened at the Natural History Museum. Something about Terry getting lost in the aquatic animals exhibition.

"Man, he was just sitting there in front of the screen, looking at the whale. He was mesmerized." Serena concluded.

He stared back at her disbelievingly. What was she dying to say?

"Serena," He inquired, choosing his words carefully. "Do you…not approve of my engagement to Blair?" He held his breath after the words came out of his mouth. Serena didn't defend herself right away, which was a bad sign.

"Well," She replied after a pause. "Well, Blair is so happy," Serena threw that in to reassure him, as she didn't want an angry Blair coming towards her wielding her Jimmy Choos in her hand. "And, I wouldn't want her to be unhappy."

Chuck looked at her, waiting for her to continue.

"You make her happy, so therefore for her to not be unhappy, you have to be around, which will make her happy. With you, she wouldn't be unhappy. Wait, what?" Serena shook her head. "Just, never mind." She looked down at he Arabian coffee, not daring to look up. However, she could still feel Chuck's eyes boring into her.

"So, what you're saying is," He paused to compose his angry face. "I would leave her again?" Chuck felt betrayed, his stepsister not trusting him with her best friend.

Serena looked up desperately. "Chuck, don't be mad at me. I just…find it hard to believe that only after one year, you ask for her hand."

Chuck raised his eyebrows at that, and Serena rushed to continue.

"Sometimes telling a person you love them isn't enough. Staying is what counts."

They sat together in silence for some time, only hearing Eve singing along to the Wiggles, and melting snow drip from the ledges of the roof, pattering onto the windowpanes.

Finally, Serena took Chuck's hand. "Just promise me you won't hurt her."

Chuck looked at her smooth warm hands clasped around his, and suddenly felt an urge to hug her. He repressed the need and instead nodded. Their hands immediately broke apart when they heard the door open and close, with no warning of a knock or bell.

"Hey, Serena!" They heard the voice of Vanessa traveling to the kitchen. Then the image of two kids still wearing their jackets and mittens went running towards the pantry, proceeding to take out the box of cookies.

"I brought them back, do you mind if Aimee stays here for the night? Nate and I are going to a movie." Vanessa walked through the door, rambling on, and stopped short when she saw Chuck at the kitchen table.

She looked at Serena like she was crazy. Finally, she spoke. "Chuck," she said curtly.

"Vanessa," He replied, just as coldly.

Serena peered around nervously, until Eve fell and started crying. The three adults rushed to her side, but thankfully, she only got a scrape.

"I'll go get a Band-Aid." Serena hurriedly left, leaving Chuck and Vanessa alone.

Terry and Aimee sat on the mahogany stools, dunking their cookies into warm milk.

Chuck was the first one to break the silence. "Aimee is how old now?" He asked.

Vanessa contemplated him for awhile. "Eight," She replied, still apprehensive, but relieved the tension was gone.

"Children, they're something all right." He chuckled, and Vanessa joined in as well.

The warmth in Vanessa's eyes came back. "Hey," she lamented. "We're sorry we couldn't come to the engagement party, Nate and I." She apologized.

Chuck waved it off with an impatient hand. "All that matters is you coming to the wedding."

Vanessa let down her guard completely, comfortable with the more mature Chuck. _He really did change,_ thought Vanessa. _And I thought he would remain a bachelor well into his eighties. _

"Look," Vanessa decided to make up for lost time at the tea party. "You and Blair are perfect together. We were all wondering when you would ask for her hand."

Chuck smiled, but didn't intervene.

"I know you two will be together forever." Vanessa concluded.

His smile faded. Forever? Forever is a long time. He wasn't done being a bachelor, not yet. His eyes bulged as he eyed the tree children around him. What if Blair wanted kids? He couldn't handle kids!

That meant no more night outs, or night ins, if you catch Chuck's drift. That means parents meetings, growing old, no surprises.

And no sex on the dining table.

His eyes went back to focus when Serena came back.

While she bent over to apply the Band-Aid onto Eve, he noticed her lush blonde hair uncombed, no make-up applied, and no spontaneity in her eyes.

She was the typical wife, no more single natured ways that every unmarried person carried.

Could Chuck really afford to sacrifice his perfect life to settle down forever?

"Serena, do you have any scotch?"

* * *

**N/A~ **_Sorry for the extremely unoriginal title. _


	6. The Baby Blues

_The Baby Blues_

* * *

Chuck sighed as he sipped some scotch from his hip flask. Nate had dragged him to the Brooks Brothers headquarters, going to buy yet another pair of khaki pants to add to his khaki collection in his big closet of khakis in various colors and lengths. However, Chuck knew that he had brought this upon himself. After all, it was he who had called Nate in the middle of an intense game of Monopoly to wonder about the streets of slushy snow covered New York.

"So, man, what's the occasion?" Nate asked casually as he flipped through the racks of polo shirts. He stopped for a moment to look at Chuck all sentimental like. "Aw, you want me to be your best man?" He chuckled, and threw a Tootsie Roll wrapper at his friend.

Chuck rolled his eyes annoyingly. He thought that it could be like old times, where Nate would just follow him around, protesting half heartedly when Chuck would drag him to a strip club, only to consent, and still pull off the good cop act when they arrived home, hammered, with their speech slurred. "I'm starting to resent that decision…" He muttered ominously.

Nate scoffed and pulled a pastel shirt off the rack, as per usual. "Too bad, bro, I already accepted." Surprisingly, despite the obvious attempts to educate poor Nathaniel, a Thoroughbred, the offspring of the elite, who knew two other languages, could ride a horse adequately, and is a member of the The Brook, a private gentlemen's club, he still talked like a frat boy.

"Hey, so what's happening with you and Blair?" Nate continued. Apparently, he wasn't good at evading the touchy subjects either.

Chuck remained silent, and browsed the various ties.

"Ok…is she overwhelming you? 'Cause, you know, Blair can be that way sometimes." Nate looked slyly over at his best friend, and was unprepared to meet his expression. Chuck actually looked, worried.

"Can't we go to an actual store, with silk?" Chuck murmured.

Nate rolled his eyes. "Not everyone is a gay man, Chuck. And stop getting drunk in front of my kid." Nate airily inserted in.

Chuck locked his jaw and looked ahead to the Ferragamo store, with its marble floors and dim lighting.

He had spent the afternoon dozing off on Serena's couch, unaware that Aimee and Terry was stroking at his feathery, conditioned hair until Vanessa started snapping pictures noisily, with the automatic flash and everything. She just had to wake him up. He woke with crusted drool on his cheek and reeking of the musty smell of scotch.

Nate followed obediently after his friend and thought of what Vanessa might've said to Chuck. Yeah, he already apologized in every way-even through Twitter-about not attending the engagement party. So surely, Chuck couldn't be agitated about that. And Nate hadn't yet interrupted their alone time-and hopefully will continue to do so.

"Chuck," Nate asked nonchalantly. "You do want kids, right?" Nate waited for Chuck's answer, but his expression gave it away immediately.

"How do you even know Blair wants kids?" Chuck muttered through his teeth, trying not to screw up his facial features. "I mean, Blair's different."

Nate laughed, for once about Chuck's naivety. "Believe me, bro, all women want children. Even Rosie O'Donnell has kids."

Chuck rolled his eyes, not bothering with inconsequential things, much less about some celebrity gossip about a mean lesbian that shouted way too much on The View. "Blair's babies are her shoes. And her VIP membership to Bergdorf Goodman. I'm pretty sure she doesn't want children." Chuck scoffed, convincing himself.

Nate sighed gruffly. "Go easy on him, Blair."

"What?"

"Nothing."

:.*.:

Blair sighed contently while she rested her bright, exuberant eyes on her walk in closet. Although she did have to persuade Chuck to move some of his formal suits-heck, they were all formal-to his personal temperature controlled storage room in Bergdorf Goodman's, there still wasn't enough room for all of her clothes, so she simply kept all of her untouched jeans back in her suite and some stiff, uncomfortable cardigans handed down from her mother. They looked like they were from the 60s, the ones Jackie O wore everywhere, although surprisingly, Blair just couldn't pull the wide shoulders off of her slim build.

_I don't care if they're vintage Givenchy, _Blair thought savagely_. I want them gone!_

There was back lighting coming from above, the source being the pot lights installed in the ceiling. On the right was where she held all her jewelry, the newest and vintage ones on lighted, black velvet covered pedestals for everyone to swoon over. Not that she'd let anyone in a place so sacred. Except maybe Sergei, her gay personal shopper. On the left were all the flimsy scarves that she would sometimes use as headbands or tie them around her bag. She could go on and on. But she knew she was just occupying herself. There was a way bigger issue than where to position her wide collection of sunglasses.

Chuck was being evasive.

And Blair knew from the long time she had known Chuck, it was either he acquired an STD, or he was having cold feet.

And she got them both tested.

So, what gives? Blair whipped out her slim cell phone that barely showed through the pocket of her silk lined pencil skirt.

_S. Need you here, pronto. _

Sighing gruffly, Blair pocketed her phone and crossed her arms across her chest. She could tell it was going to be a long wait.

"I know I'm late!" Serena shouted excitedly, her cheeks rosy and her emerald eyes shining from the cold winter wind. "It's just the kids. They're driving me crazy!" She recited in a sing song voice. She threw her bag carelessly on the chaise lounge and plopped herself down, waiting expectantly for one of Blair's long rants.

Blair knew full well that Serena didn't mean a thing she said. Serena was practically a kid herself, she never minded the company of children. "Uhuh," Blair muttered. "Now back to me. I think I might've said something to scare Chuck off." She looked off into the distance worriedly and bit down on her lip. Luckily, Serena clamped her mouth shut and didn't bring up the 'Chuck falling into a drunken sleep on my couch while Vanessa took pictures' incident that happened this afternoon.

"Well," Serena ventured bravely. "All men get cold feet before marrying; it's just their nature, y'know? It's alright, because he's too scared to abandon you Mr. Big style." When Blair stared at her blankly, Serena expanded. "Sex and the City? No? Well, Carrie was going to get married at the library in that beautiful Carolina Herrera-Oh! And did I tell you, I met Herrera's niece at that coffee shop down on…" She trailed off with one venomous look from Blair.

"Ok, back to me again. Maybe I'm just rushing into things. I mean, half the time when I tell him about flower arrangements, he just gets impatient! And I keep telling him, 'Chuck, flowers determine the class of the wedding! You can't just have calla lilies, you need roses too!'. Am I right, or am I right?" Blair yelled hysterically.

"Babies."

"And onto the music. He's all, 'I wanna DJ.' And I'm all, 'We're hiring an eight string quartet!'. He just doesn't have any taste."

"Blair, babies!"

"Oh, your kids have a nanny, calm down. And everyone knows I'm allergic to shrimp! And he wants shrimp? Is he stupid or crazy? Or both?"

"Blair, I think you know the answer to that. And, babies! He doesn't want babies!"

Blair stopped to take a deep breath, and exhaled. Finally, she turned her head slowly to face Serena. "At the wedding?"

Serena starred hopelessly. "Yeah, that too."

Blair's shoulders sagged. "I…I haven't even thought about that yet. And now I have to!" Blair covered her eyes with her manicured hands. Blair would never admit it, but she wanted children just as much as any other housewife. Or penthouse-wife. She was attractive. And certainly good in bed. She had plenty of eggs too! And what, Chuck expected it to be like the old days? Have sex on the dining room table? Play naked Twister? Blair wanted to bake pies for the Annual Constance Billiard Kindergarten Easter Bake Sale, and teach her girl how to put on makeup, send her boy to soccer practice. Sure, she'd miss the spontaneity, but Blair couldn't just wait for Chuck to come home every night for the rest of her life.

"Serena," Blair told her firmly, as if readying herself for battle. "I want to get impregnated by his sperm. And frankly, you're going to help me, whether you'd like to or not."

Serena's doe eyes widened. "This can't be good."

Blair's eyes, however, shone like the moon. "Oh, S., this is so exciting! Another project!" She whipped out her cell phone, and dialed Chuck's number. "Where are you?" Serena moaned into her hands as she heard, "I don't care if you're shopping at Ferragamo. I'm horny!" Blair snapped her phone shut and pushed Serena's bag into her arms. "You need to leave."

As Serena left, harassed, Blair turned back to her big, walk in closet. What to wear, what to wear…

* * *

**N/A~** _Yes, I know, it's been an incredibly long time. Guess what? I lived in Canada for six years. Now I'm in Florida for the whole of high school. I joined NJROTC (if anyone knows what that is, kudos to you!) there's this cute boy in the program (alot of them, actually :P) and we're totally going to the holiday bash together. So you can imagine what with moving and schtuff I didn't have time to write, unfortunately. But I'm settled in and have two chapters written already!_

_P.S. Missy06, if you wanna take over the smut part, I'd be honored (...kinda). I don't write about, y'know, so that's all your territory, lol, you do it well!_


	7. Poultry

_Poultry_

_

* * *

_

"…So, there he went, walking out of the bedroom. End of conversation." Blair sighed dramatically, stowing away her turquoise sunglasses, a melancholy expression on her face.

Blair and Serena were dressed in their Sunday brunch best, as they should be. Blair stood out in a tight skinned, sleeveless, bright yellow dress she bought at Bergdorf's whereas Serena wore Dan's 80s style white wool blazer paired with a silk floral skirt. They were seated by the window at the Russian Tea Room while the rain poured down, a grey January day.

"He left, just like that?" Serena set down her tea cup, adding to the clinking of cutlery and various other voices, talking of idle gossip. "How courageous." Serena added in an undertone.

Blair gave her a look. "Anyway, he said he won't be back till next Thursday, he has to fly to Chicago for a hotel branch opening. And by a hotel branch opening, he means…" Judging by the confused look Serena gave her, Blair went on, albeit exasperatingly. "A burlesque club? He's naming it," she snorted amusingly. "Blair's Burlesque. Can't you just die?"

Serena made a face, and held up a hand. "Just, hold on. You gave me too much information…Did he really refer to you as a spring chicken?" Serena definitely needed clarification, for the past few minutes were comprised of Blair hurriedly and angrily retelling the conversation between her and her fiancé.

Blair covered her face with gloved hands, her voice muffled. "God, yes!" Blair cried in shame. "He said, and I quote," She propped an elbow on the backseat of her chair for support, "Your eggs are still farm fresh, we can afford to wait a couple of decades.' A few decades?"

Their waiter, who was just about to approach the table, was smart enough not to interrupt Blair's ranting, swerved away dangerously with a pastry tray, nearly knocking off a feathered hat off of some batty old lady.

Serena made sympathetic murmuring noises, stirring her mint verbena. "Did he really…"

Blair nodded fervently. "Yes. That is by far the grossest thing I've heard slipped out of his mouth."

Serena raised her brows. "I'm not so sure about that…"

"Serena, focus!" Blair attempted to snap her gloved fingers. "We have got a crisis! How on earth did you get pregnant twice?"

"Well," Serena starred out onto the street, looking at people hurriedly rushing under buildings to escape the cold droplets. "We never had the talk, I just got off the pill the day of the honeymoon, and bam, preggo." She shrugged, and leaned forward towards her friend. "Chuck's really not the paternal type, huh?"

Blair sighed again, leaning back in her seat. "I don't remember this, but my mom said that when I was little, I would follow her around French boutiques, trying on big heels and feathered boas. I was four."

Serena didn't see a point in that little memory, but nodded her head anyway. "Blair, I'll be honest. Why are you so worked up? He'll get around to it. And face it, you're terrified of kids!"

Blair pouted, her bottom lip protruding. "So? I don't care if I don't want one, I'm just wondering why _he_ doesn't. I mean, you're so happy with your kids. I want that too. But he can be so stubborn!"

Serena smiled amusingly. "If you could hear yourself. Why don't you wait until you both want kids, then plot your way into getting what you want. It's better than throwing him on the bed, unzipping his pants and saying, 'do me'." Serena reprimanded.

:.*.:

_She tapped her foot impatiently against the red-vein marble floor. When the hell was he getting home? She looked at the unrelenting clock. It had no numbers, just black blocks indicating the hours three, six, nine, twelve. It seemed like the minute hand would never move, and when it did, the door still didn't open. _

_Blair sank onto the leather couch, the black frocked corset making it hard to breath. She furtively looked at the remote control, then to the flat screen TV. It was almost time for Ugly Betty. "No," she reminded herself. "Wait for Chuck. Sleep with Chuck. Take home pregnancy test. Wake up Chuck. Wait for Chuck's reaction. Decapitate Chuck if he's not enthusiastic." The fishnet stockings were extremely itchy, and her feet hurt from being in heels all day. Her hair was crisp from too much hairspray, and every time she licked her lips, she could taste her gooey raspberry lip gloss. She definitely wasn't in the mood for sex. Why was she doing this again? Blair thought at one point. She couldn't supply an answer. _

_Finally, the click of the door opening and closing reached her ears, and she strained her neck around to meet him. "Chuck, you're home." Blair pretended to not be in her little dominatrix outfit, walked towards him and helped him out of his coat. The coat was cold, and little snowflakes still hung to the wool. Chuck reached around to hug her waist as she was putting the coat in the closet. His briefcase landed with a soft thud on the ground._

"_Hey there," He breathed. "God, you have no idea how tired I am." He sighed against her shoulder, his soft hair tickling her neck. _

_Blair frowned. "This was not the reaction I wanted," she thought to herself."Um, why don't I get you a drink." She said aloud, pushing him away. She turned on the light in the kitchen, finding the overhead lamp too bright, radioactive. She was beginning to have a dull throb over her right eyebrow, and her three-inch heels were definitely not helping in easing her pain. _

_She blindly grabbed the cocktail shaker, gin and the tonic water. She opened and closed the cabinets much too loudly, momentarily forgetting where the crystal Baccarat glasses were stored. She dropped the shaker twice, leaving a bang ringing loudly in her ears. _

_Chuck noticed her frantic movements and stood up from his stool to assist. "Blair, you don't look too well." He took over, bringing everything to the island in the middle, facing Blair. "So," he said, looking at her attentively. "What's with the modest outfit?" He smirked devilishly. "I'm surprised that you would forget your own mini-celibacy act so quickly. Not that it's a bad thing," he added hastily, frightened that she would go and change. _

_Blair just blankly stared at Chuck, everything he was doing seemed to be in slow motion, his mouth moving, with no emitting sounds. His muscles moved fluidly underneath his shirt, his hair moving slightly from his shaking the mixer. His dark, almost black eyes never wavered from her face, and she could make out a bit of her reflection in his orbs. Despite her throbbing headache and the nausea, she still felt an animalistic attraction to him, almost an instinct embedded into her DNA. Her senses were heightened, and she felt almost heavy, like she was gaining weight instantly._

_She wasn't even aware of how she and Chuck landed in bed until she was pressed against him._

"_Blair, B-Blair, stop." Chuck laughed, holding her wrists away from him. "Seriously, I'm really tired."_

_Blair mechanically pulled away, only to unzip his pants. "Do me." _

_Admittedly, Blair's kissing his neck did feel nice, but Chuck was exhausted, having to sort out a dozen business prospects that his head spun. "I appreciate this, but I do want to keep your promise…and you should too."_

_This time, Blair really did pull away, and got up angrily to pull a robe over her shoulders. She tied a knot and pulled her hair from the collar. "Ok, what's your problem?" Blair's own plan had backfired on her. Now how could she possibly figure out how Chuck felt about kids?_

"_Blair, I hope I didn't upset you," Chuck replied nonchalantly, loosening his red tie. Coincidently, it matched Blair's corset. "But isn't this what you wanted?"_

_Blair sighed gruffly in frustration. "You dunce. Fine, I'll say it. How do you feel about…kids?" It felt foreign, coming from her mouth._

_Chuck stopped fixing his hair, and immediately, a cold sweat came over him. "What do you mean?" He said cautiously._

"_Kids, children, babies, you know the brats in Daddy Day Care? How do you feel about them?" Blair replied impatiently._

_Chuck snorted. "That's just who they are. Brats. Way to…ruin the moment." And with the furious look on Blair's face, he hastily added, "Look, your eggs are still farm fresh, we can afford to wait a couple decades!"_

_Blair's eyes dilated in fury, and she tugged Chuck out of bed, pushed him to the foyer, and shoved his tan, leather Lanvins to his chest, even before he knew what was going on. _

"_Out!" _

"_What-Blair, be reasonable!"_

_And through the crack before she closed the door, she could see his face, pleading. "Where will I go?"_

"_That is not for me and my eggs to worry about!"_

_She slammed the door as hard as she could, and immediately swung around to open it again. "And stop referring to me as poultry!"_

_:.*.:_

"Alright, I'll admit that wasn't the best way to approach the subject, but S., what else could I have done?"

Serena didn't reply immediately, and continued stirring her tea. "As you said, he's stubborn. And you are too." She gave Blair a look, and Blair ducked her head shamefully.

"You know, when it comes to these things, I hate holier than thou people. Aren't I supposed to be the one scolding you?" Blair replied cheekily.

"_Anyways_, you have till next Thursday to devise a new battle plan, _away from the bedroom_," Serena forcibly added. "And," She continued reluctantly, "I will be alongside you, unfortunately for me."

Blair beamed at her friend. "Yes, unfortunately for you."

The waiter, who deemed it safe to venture on in to take their order, stepped up. "Ms. Waldorf?"

"Yes, I would like a raspberry Danish, thank you."

"And Mrs. Humphrey, the usual salad?"

Serena furtively looked at Blair and scooted her chair slightly back as she said, "Um no, actually, there's raw egg in the dressing, so-"

The whole room quieted down as they collectively turned to the two young ladies seated by the table, with the brunette noisily dropping her utensil on her china plate.

"_You're pregnant again?"_

_

* * *

_

**N/A~ **_It's really funny to me how Serena is pregnant for the third time while Blair can't seem to convince Chuck to have even one. And you'll notice that I've started naming the chapters instead of naming them Chapter 1, 2, etc. The 'eggs farm fresh' thing was suggested to me by my friend and sometimes co-author, **Amy**. She started working with me on I Hate Everything About You, and we named Vanessa's daughter after her, (although we changed the spelling somewhat). I really appreciate her helping me, and I can definitely call her my beta-reader! She doesn't yet have an account, but I'll try convincing her!_

_blair's dress: go to bergdorfgoodmandotcom. search josephine. isn't it precious?  
serena's outfit: same site. search carnaby. _


End file.
